Well, I’ve got a title.

And a central character. Two actually. Plus, a rough idea of where it is going.

It promises to be an interesting journey.

If you are intrigued by the title, this may be of interest. It is the first page (after you’ve read all the “printed by and typeset in” stuff. The prologue is also here.

THE KERNING

Kerning:

“The adjustment of horizontal space between individual characters in a line of text. Without kerning, many letter combinations look awkward. The objective of kerning is to create visually equal spaces between all letters so the eye moves smoothly along the text.”

PROLOGUE

We all have problems. They are simply a normal part of living everyday life. Work, family, personal, financial, they each bring their own problems. It’s how you deal with problems that counts.

Take, for instance, a work problem; a colleague fails to give the files you need ahead of an important meeting early next morning. And it’s now past three in the afternoon. What would a normal person do?  A normal person might call the colleague, ask about the missing files, maybe tear a strip off the colleague if they are senior to them. They’ll be certain they get the files sent over, maybe by email, maybe the junior colleague, tail firmly between their legs and with a worried expression, will hand deliver the files to a normal person’s desk. The normal person might have to stay late or take work home with them but, either way, they’ll be prepared ahead of that morning meeting. Problem solved.

What about a personal problem? You’ve booked tickets online to a show but, stupidly, bought them for the wrong date. A normal person would call the venue or ticket agency, wait on hold while the carefully considered, focus group chosen music frustrates them to hell and back, all the while being assured at regular intervals by a pre-recorded message that “Your call is important to us”. Then, after manoeuvreing their way through a maddening array of options, “Press 1 to throttle the advisor. Press star to beat her to death”, they’d eventually get to speak with a real person. They’d explain the error, ask for a refund on the wrong tickets, buy tickets for the correct date and then, anxiously, check their credit card statement over the coming weeks for the refund to process. Problem solved again. Normally.

But not all problems are normal and everyday hum drum. Some are so out of the norm that they require more specialist ways of solving. Solutions that a certain type of person is able to provide, normally for a hefty fee. Occasionally these people provide solutions simply for the hell of it; because they enjoy their work and they’re very good at it. People like Lister.

And if you’re part of a problem to which Lister is the solution, then it’s the last problem you’re ever going to have.